energy....
too much...
energy to be exerted...
but on what?
the will in me i cannot find
to use it to its full potential

 

i have no use for this world
i have no use in this world
i don't know why this world decides to delay my leaving any longer

 

then i look to my side
at the one beside me
and i realize i have to live
live for something
but still for what
it plagues me

 

i already live for them...
but this will not yield survival
i must find a use for myself
and quit lying to myself
about what i want to do
about what i will do the rest of my life
to keep myself around
for whatever reason this person seems to see in me
i hope i will not destroy it in the process

 

i have finally discovered i suppose
that life cannot be fulfilled in code
or machines
or engines that need eers
i have no use for all that
it has no use for me
i have no skill involving it
only vague interest
and worthless
o so worthless
pity
pity is rusted through
and one is sick of it
one must purge it from oneself
one must find another way
another path
to survival
the ultimate goal

 

love i have found....
life i have not..

 

the world inquires
"what will you give me back
for allowing you the privilege of staying here so long?"
i scoff... "in this hell of a world
why would i want to stay a minute?"
then again my gaze wanders
to my side... and the reason i go through it all

 

and perhaps
in spite of all i've heard
old words gathering dust
in the back of one's mind
i should go the proper path
the path i once saw
before i cluttered my mind with such nonsense

 

the path that i abandoned to avoid work
but now i see
that it is the only path i can really take
and work...
sustainence...
cannot be avoided...
it can only be chosen
one or another

 

the path of words
and song
the path of true spirit
the only path my soul will ever truly take...
the path written before your eyes...
scrawled painstakingly directly from the very deepest regions of one's soul...
one can find no other path in this cruel life
that will have one
that will allow one to walk upon it
to follow it
to life

 

but one's path cannot be taken alone...
no matter how much one has desired to in the past...
one now realizes that one must rely upon others
as painful for one and them as it may be
it's terrible evil is a necessary one it seems
however... as one reviews said situation...
maybe not so terrible
if followed and traced correctly like one should...

 

for one supposes
energy...
when one is low...
can only truly come from one source...
not meaningless codes or machines
not even purely one's own words...
others...
others must be one's source
for one's relief from troubles...
for one's expelling of ancient ideas one has so long believed in...
and in return
without realizing it most likely...
one will also be helping them
tirelessly... the only way one can
for one has been constantly rejected throughout one's existence...
one has been therefore perhaps made stronger...
the only true strength one can admit one may have...
one wishes one could be stronger...
one wishes one could not be a burden... as one feels so flimsy and lifeless at times..
times especially like these
one has lost so much...
one only wants to give...
one doesn't want to inflict the pain of loss...
or otherwise..
to any others...
one would hate oneself even more than one does already
if one ever hurt those he cares for...
especially... his love...

 

but now that one has deposited this
all this above and whatever may come below
one feels a bit better...
perhaps someday...
amidst the ever crowded streams of old...
this infinite path of words that has been woven already...
one hopes that one may be recognized...
and be woven among them...
perhaps...

 

one is told one has talent
one is told to follow one's heart and do what one believes in
but one has never believed in such
at least not at all recently
until now at least...

 

hard work it will be
however one sees this is the only way
one must work hard anyway... one wants to... but never can seem to work hard enough...
to please oneself...

 

but o well...
life will continue
one has put enough words in one place
words that will help one live one day
one supposes
or at least desparately hopes

 

one will leave now
one has talked about oneself enough

one only desires strength... which one now seeks... with new resolve
and love... for which one already seems to have
and for it is eternally grateful

 

farewell o anonymous reader
one hopes that you may find strength and love
for all deserve to be strong and loved
to live happily

 

stop?  one never will
but words... one falls short of those at the moment...
until we shall grace each other with our presences once again
farewell once again